You shouldn't have to
explain yourself
before the work begins.
This is a practice where LGBTQ+ identities, kink, BDSM, ethical non-monogamy, and polyamory in all its forms are the starting point, not something you have to justify, defend, or translate for your therapist first.
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"Affirming care isn't a feature of this practice. It's the floor. What you do, who you love, and how you structure your relationships are not clinical problems to be solved. They're the context we work within."
Who comes here and what we work on.
This page covers the most common presentations I work with in this community. If you don't see your situation named here, that doesn't mean it doesn't belong. Reach out and we can talk about it.
Identity, coming out, and the intersections that don't fit a simple narrative.
I work with gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, pansexual, asexual, and questioning individuals navigating identity at any stage of life. Coming out isn't a single event and it doesn't always go the way people plan. Neither does figuring out what you want your relationships to look like once you get there.
I also work with trans and nonbinary individuals navigating gender identity, transition, and the ways those experiences intersect with sexuality, relationships, and intimacy. This is not a space where you'll be asked to explain or justify your identity. We can go straight to the actual work.
For couples where one or both partners are navigating orientation or gender identity, I work with mixed-orientation relationships and the specific dynamics that come with disclosure, adjustment, and deciding what comes next.
Kink is not a disorder. It never was.
For decades, BDSM and kink were listed in the DSM as pathology. The clinical and research consensus has shifted significantly. Consensual kink is not a mental health disorder, and being kinky is not something that requires treatment or explanation in a therapy setting.
What does sometimes bring kink-engaged people to therapy is the same thing that brings anyone else: relationship dynamics that feel stuck, communication that isn't working, shame that was installed by a culture that treated their desires as evidence of something wrong with them, or the genuine complexity of navigating BDSM relationships with care and integrity.
I work with people across the kink spectrum, from those who are just beginning to explore to those who are deeply embedded in leather and BDSM communities. I understand power exchange, D/s dynamics, and the distinction between consensual kink and actual harm. You will not be pathologized here.
All structures. All configurations. No hierarchy of relationships.
I work with the full range of ENM structures: hierarchical polyamory, non-hierarchical polyamory, solo poly, relationship anarchy, swinging, open relationships, and configurations that don't fit neatly into any category. You don't need to label what you're doing for us to work on it.
I see individuals navigating ENM, dyads, and polycules in session. The presenting concerns I work with most often include jealousy and insecurity, communication breakdown across multiple partnerships, the challenge of maintaining intimacy when time and attention are genuinely limited, agreements that aren't holding, and the particular dynamics of opening a previously monogamous relationship.
ENM is not treated as a problem to be solved or a phase to be moved through. It's treated as the relationship context we're working within.
When one partner's orientation shifts, or is disclosed for the first time.
Mixed-orientation relationships, those where partners have different sexual orientations, are one of the more complex presentations in couples work. They can arise when one partner comes out as gay, bisexual, or queer during a relationship, when there's a significant difference in sexual interests or desire, or when a partner begins to explore a gender identity that changes the nature of the relationship.
I work with both partners in these situations, individually and together. Sometimes the work is about deciding whether to stay together and what that could look like. Sometimes it's about separating in a way that doesn't destroy the relationship entirely. Sometimes it's about finding a structure, including ENM, that allows both people to get what they need.
There is no predetermined outcome I'm working toward. The goal is clarity, honesty, and a path that actually fits both people.
What you won't deal with here.
A lot of people in LGBTQ+, kink, and ENM communities have had therapy experiences where they spent significant time managing their therapist's learning curve, discomfort, or assumptions. That's not what this is.
Explaining your relationship structure from scratch
You won't need to spend the first three sessions explaining what polyamory is, how BDSM works, or why your relationship configuration is valid. We can start from where you actually are.
Having your identity treated as the problem
Being queer, kinky, or non-monogamous is not the presenting issue. If those things are part of the context we're working in, they're treated as context, not cause.
Subtle pressure toward monogamy or "simpler" structures
There is no therapeutic agenda here that assumes monogamy is the goal. If ENM is working for you, the work is about making it work better, not about whether you should be doing it at all.
Pathologizing language about kink or desire
Consensual kink is not a disorder, not a symptom, and not something that needs to be explained or justified. The DSM has moved on. So has this practice.
On kink, the DSM,
and what the research actually says.
BDSM and kink were pathologized for most of the 20th century. Paraphilias were treated as inherently disordered, and people who engaged in consensual kink were frequently diagnosed, treated, and stigmatized on that basis.
The DSM-5, published in 2013, drew a meaningful distinction between a paraphilia, an atypical sexual interest, and a paraphilic disorder, which requires that the interest cause significant distress or involve non-consent. Consensual kink, by definition, does not meet the criteria for a paraphilic disorder.
The research literature supports this. Studies consistently find that people who engage in consensual BDSM do not demonstrate higher rates of psychological distress, trauma history, or relationship dysfunction than the general population. Some studies find lower rates of certain difficulties.
What this means clinically: if you're in a kink-engaged relationship and seeking therapy, your kink is not the reason you're here. Something else is. That's what we work on.
Who comes in for this work
Individuals navigating identity, orientation, or coming out at any life stage. Couples where one or both partners are LGBTQ+. People in kink relationships dealing with communication or dynamic issues. ENM individuals and polycules at any stage of their structure. Partners navigating the opening of a previously monogamous relationship.
All sessions are via HIPAA-compliant telehealth in Connecticut, New York, and Michigan. For many people in these communities, being able to attend from home, without navigating a waiting room or a public building, matters. It removes one more layer of exposure in work that's already personal.
Things people usually ask before reaching out.
You've already done the hard part
of looking.
Start with a free 15-minute consultation. It's a low-stakes call to talk about what's bringing you in and get a sense of fit. I typically respond within 24 to 48 hours.
Free 15-Minute Consultation